What? Bhai Kya?

What is it that runs in my blood?
What is it that thrusts my soul?
What keeps me going?
What's my self, my being?

Is it the wind on my face,
or the droplets on my skin?

The friends still belonging
or the road to be travelled?

The love of my folks
or the sheer insanity of jokes?

The playfulness of a sport
or the rawness of an emotion?

The incline of a mountain
or the vulnerability of a river?

The revelrous elation of wine
or the self indulging memories that blind?

The ghost of the fervent past
or the dreams of future?

The abyss of knowledge
or the gulf of lives around ?

The world that beckons me
or the haunting rhythm of life?

What is it that runs in my blood?
What is it that thrusts my soul?
What keeps me going?
What's my self, my being?

To Bartoli, Tennis, the players and the fans!

Tennis.
Memories of crying for Becker and Steffi.
Sometimes for Sabatini, Michael Stitch maybe.
Screaming my lungs out for my favorites. Those were the days....
When was the last time I cried for a tennis player?
Laid my hopes on a stranger and swore by him/her?
Oh yeah, It was in Wimbledon 2001. Goran Ivanesevic and Patrick Rafter.
I cried for Rafter. Hell, I did. He lost.

Then the monopoly(read Sampras) began and tennis was just another game. There was no credible competetion. I used to watch the matches but not with that ardour. There was the ever failing Henman (my sympathies). Women's tennis was never the same without Steffi. So years just passed by with praying the dictators never won. Sampras left, Federer entered. Williams gnawed. Who cared.Not me.
Not me. I longed for a passionate player I could cheer for. There were the Hewitts and the Roddicks. I liked them ...but they often let me down. Sharapovas and Henins didn't strike a chord.

But this Wimbledon was a treat. Cheering a certain Bartoli did me elated and proud..This French woman beat the World No 1 Justin Henin with killer shots and volleying i have yearned for! Double handed and accurate returns.An unconventional but unmistakable brilliant panache.

And the ingenuity and humility that comes often with a champion, she innocently remarked something like that she may have won the match because her favourite Pierce Brosman was watching her.Aww...
Tommorow's the final. Hope she beats the hell out of Venus too...:)

Cheers to Marion Bartoli.
Of course, as tennis fans would agree it's like you're playing there, with a different body.

Another lifetime, maybe I'll be a tennis player.
To play a game so passionate; and of undisputable display of strength of character and emotions!

Main ek DISCO (I am a disco)

The 6.30 company bus and my team-mate for company. We were regular passengers and had decided to engage ourselves in comfortable 'sleeping and radio' than small talk. Of course we did the regular short discussion on everything from China, Veto nations, bikes, movies and sports.blah blah.... I almost had my ear phone plugged when he interrupted to help him find a "whacky" answer to "Why do you want to do an MBA?", an inevitable question for an MBA aspirant. And as if i hadn't heard that, I asked him back 'So Why do you want to do an MBA?'

He had a convincing answer. To summarize
1. He often found weird ways of looking at things.
2. He often liked to give wholistic solutions to problems.
3. He wanted to dapple in a variety of things and kill boredom from his life.

He wanted to become something like the manager for a team like Manchester United.Whoa...
He passionately spoke about how he wanted to give up this comfort and software drudgery and free himself from just writing code. I listened to him to and was carried away in the flow of his burning desire to do something in life....
I remarked 'Ki aag hain mujhme kaheen.' And we talked about how 99% people did'nt love their jobs.
And how we all ought to be doing something we would love doing for the rest of our lives.
I said, I frankly didn't know what was that for me.

We ended it there...I plugged my earphones....the music seemed noise....a hundred thoughts were playing soccer on my mind. These are some of them :

1. I'd had taken a risk too..I was brave. But I didn't know what was IT for me.
2. Why did I take a convenient sit-back in software?
3. Work is everything. For some,(maybe me) it was a way to be able to do everything else we wanted.
4. Isn't it all about priority? What's mine?
I remember once buddy had asked me "What is that you want from life?"
It still echos ' I want to be happy, That's it.' I had said. Was it that simple?
5. Thought about my CEO friend. She loved her work. My dad. He did too.
6. The purpose of my life struck me...My singaporean "alchemist" friend came to my mind...
She had said " We are all here with a purpose." What was mine?
7. Did I want to be writing all my life? all my life?

Sigh. So many thoughts. No answers.

Was I getting influenced by Haruki Murakami? I just completed his "Dance Dance Dance.'
"Dance. As long as the music plays", the book said.

Dancing to life's tunes, am I?